The Ark, The Lord and the Cyborg
by Axel Cratos
Summary: A Teen Titans version of Bill Cosby’s standup comedy of Noah’s Ark. Cyborg is happily enjoying his Saturday morning when the Lord comes to him and tells him to build an Ark. Cyborg agrees, but his friends aren't to keen on the idea. Extremly hilarious.R


The Ark, The Lord and the Cyborg

**Disclaimer**:_ I do not own the Teen Titans or the storyboard for this one shot. The Teen Titans belong to Cartoon Network, D.C. Comics and Warner Bros. and the storyboard belongs to Bill Cosby and is based off of his standup comedy of Noah's Ark. Enjoy, laugh and continue to tread water._

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There's a fella by the name of Cyborg…who built an Ark. Everybody knows he built an Ark. Somebody say "Hey wad' Cyborg do"? and you'd say "Well he built an Ark". But very few people know about the conversation that went on between the Lord and Cyborg… 

It was a bright and sunny Saturday and the Titans were happily going about their day, except Raven who was just going about her day. Robin could be found in the gym with Starfire practicing martial arts, Beast Boy could be found in the weight room trying to impress Terra with his pitiful upper body strength. Raven was busy meditating in her dim room while trying to block out the cries of Beast Boy when he nearly flattened himself on the bench-press and Cyborg was busy buffering his new car.

Cyborg swung around the side of the car and began to buffer the driver's side while humming his favorite song and doing series of half disco half break dancing steps across the sleek floor of the garage. As he continued to entertain himself, an eerie calm came over the garage. Cyborg poked his head inside his car to try and placed the key in the ignition.

"_Cyborg_"

Cyborg pulled his head out of the car and scanned the empty garage. "Somebody callin' me" he said. After a few seconds, Cyborg wrote it off as him hearing things and returned to his car.

"_Cyborg_"

Cyborg pulled his head out of the car and shouted "Who is that"!

There was a moment of silence. "_It's the Lord…Cyborg_".

Cyborg searched the room for any hidden microphones and donned a goofy smile. "Riigghhtt…where are ya…what do ya want I've been good".

"_I want you to build an Ark_".

Cyborg clamped his hand over his mouth so he couldn't laugh; this had to be one of Beast Boy's jokes. "Right…what's an Ark"?

"_Get some wood, build it…three hundred cubits by eighty cubits by forty cubits_".

"Right" Cyborg answered, he was getting a real kick out of this "what's a cubit"?

Cyborg could hear the 'Lord' humming to himself. "_Let's see a cubit I used to know what a cubit was…um…well don't worry about it Cyborg, when you get that done go out into the world and collect all of the animals in the world by twos, male and female, and put them into the Ark _".

"Ok" Cyborg replied. "Who is this really?" He walked over to a large cabinet and opened it hoping to find someone inside. As he was searching the garage, he continued his conversation with the 'Lord' "…what's goin' on, how come you want me to do all these weird things…"

"_I'm going to destroy the world_".

"Right" Cyborg replied with a large grin on his face as he returned to his car. He leaned against his car and said in an ecstatic voice "Am I on 'Candid Camera'"? Cyborg slapped his knee as he began roaring with laughter, but when no camera crew popped out Cyborg's laughing became a chuckle. "How ya' gonna do it"?

"_I'm going to make it rain for a thousand days and drown 'em all out_".

"Right" Cyborg replied, his grin slowly growing "Listen do this you'll save water: Let it rain for forty days and forty nights and wait for the sewers back up".

"_Right_".

And so, Cyborg began the slow process of building the Ark, a task which normally would have been easy but the Lord demanded Cyborg do it by hand. It was coming along fine and Cyborg was slowly starting to like his Ark, but the affects of its presence on their front lawn did not go over will with the other Titans…

Beast Boy and Terra hopped onto Robin's motorcycle, which they did not have permission to use, and opened the garage door and sped out onto the lawn. But before they got a foot out of the garage they were halted before they smashed into a large wooden structure. Beast Boy let out a long whistle as he took in the massive structure that was almost as tall as their home. Terra heard a soft banging sound and she pointed Cyborg, who was near the very top, out to Beast Boy.

"Hey!" Beast Boy shouted, grabbing Cyborg's attention "Cyborg".

"What do you want" Cyborg replied crankily.

"What is this?" Beast Boy shouted, as he pointed to the large wooden structure.

"It's an Ark" Cyborg replied matter-of-factly.

"Oh joy" Beast Boy grumbled as he glanced at Terra to see her reaction. Terra shrugged. He turned back to Cyborg and shouted "Well do ya want to get it out of the driveway; we're trying to get out of here". He racked his knuckles against the support beam causing a long echo to reverberate throughout the Ark. "What's this thing for anyways"?

Cyborg stopped hammering and gave Beast Boy a snotty look "I can't tell you, ha ha ha ha ha ha".

"Well can't you give us a little hint?" Terra asked.

"You want a hint"?

Terra and Beast Boy nodded. "Yes please".

A large grin spread across Cyborg's face as he said "How long can you tread water ha ha ha ha"?

And that's pretty much how it went for the next few months.

Now Cyborg had a heck of a job. He had to go out and get all the animals in the world by twos. Two mosquitoes, male or female, and he had to keep telling the rabbits "Only two, only two, only two". So now Cyborg's pulling up the last two animals, two hippos, and he's really in a hurry because he's afraid that the Lord's going to call him and ask him to do something else, and his nerves are shot, this is one heck of a job for a teenager. So we return to Cyborg pulling the last two hippos, and of course the Lord does call him…

"Come on you fat hippos hurry up!" Cyborg grunted as he pulled on the ropes wrapped around the two hippos' necks "Come on will you please"!

"_Cyborg_"

"WHAT"?! Cyborg dropped the ropes and stared into the sky "What do you want"?

"_You gotta take one of those hippos out and bring in another one_".

"What for?" Cyborg grumbled, not at all happy to be doing more work.

"_Because you got two males down there, you need a female_".

"I'm not bringing nothin' in," Cyborg protested "you change one of 'em".

The Lord was silent for a moment. "_Come on Cyborg, you know I don't work like that_".

Cyborg stomped his foot on the ramp and shouted "Now I'm sickin' tired of this, I've had enough of this stuff, I've been working all day working on for days and days and days, I'm sickin' tired of this"!

"_Cyborg_"

"Yeah"?

"_How long can you tread water_"?

Cyborg had had enough, he stopped his foot again and waved his arms in the air and shouted "Yeah well I got news for you, I'm sick and tired of this whole mess, my friends are all out there laughing at me, there all havin' a grand time goin' 'Oh look at ol' Cyborg over there', I went out to get a breath of air and Robin comes over to me and I say 'Hey Robin listen I've been talkin' with the Lord' and Robin's like 'Oh really' and I said 'Yeah, yeah, Lord Robin, Robin Lord', You walked off and I hear them all laughin' at me, do you know I'm the only person in this Tower with an Ark, Terra and Beast Boy are running around here with picket signs going up and down, I'm sick and tired of this stuff here, Beast Boy's walking around here going 'Hey Tarzan, how's the weather up there?', I'm sickin' tired of this mess, You're supposed to know all and see all and you let me go out there and bring in a pregnant elephant, you give me no manual for delivery or nothin', NEVER told me the thing was pregnant, here's ol' Cyborg waiting under the elephant and BAM!, down comes the baby elephant right on top of me, I am not running around for all this stuff if your doing nothin', you're supposed to know all and see all and as I said before, you LET me go out there before you told me about all this stuff, you've never looked down there at the bottom of that Ark, have you looked down there? NO! WHO'S GOING TO CLEAN UP THAT MESS DOWN THERE"!?

The clouds began to darken but Cyborg paid no attention.

"NOT me I'll tell you that, I've had enough of this stuff, I'll tell you what I'm going to do: I'm going to let all these animals out…"

Thunder echoed across the sky.

"…I'm going to burn down this Ark and I'm going to move to Florida or somewhere because you haven't done nothin', your just foolin' around…you haven't done nothin' cause you said it would…" Rain drops splattered onto Cyborg and he looked up into the sky. "…rain and…This isn't a shower is it". The water began to rise and Cyborg soon found himself knee deep in a now raging ocean. He frowned and looked up into the sky "Ok, me and you Lord right cause I knew all the time that everything would end up like that".

The Lord gave no reply and Cyborg was finding it very hard to keep himself afloat.

Cyborg turned at the sound of footsteps and saw his friends racing unto the Ark. "HEY!" Cyborg called and splashed around in the rising water "WAIT FOR ME"!

Beast Boy poked his thoroughly soaked head out the door and smiled "Hey Cy".

"What"?

"How long can you tread water"?

**The End**

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_Special thanks to all who read and most importantly Bill Cosby._

_Link to the actual recording: _


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